3 Ways of Being in the World

I’ve found there are basically 3 ways of being in the world: Reactive, Proactive, and Self-Aware. Reactive means a situation occurs and I have a habitual reaction to it. Proactive means when the same situation occurs I have a reaction which gives me the result I desire. Self-awareness happens when the situation occurs and I feel empathy or no reaction.

As a reactive person, I am normally responding to life in the way I’ve been trained to see the world. I react the way other family members react. A reaction can be anything from screaming, yelling, crying, hitting, to complete withdrawal and leaving the situation, either physically, emotionally, or mentally. We learn reactive responses as children. We develop them to help us cope with the stresses of our lives. If they work, and sometimes, even if they don’t, we internalize them to such a degree they become habits. In the world of psychology, the situations are called “triggers” because they trigger a consistent reaction within us.

Once we develop enough self-awareness to recognize which situations cause specific reactions, we are left with the choice of whether to change our behavior. If we choose to make a change, we must decide how we will react in the future. Once we can consciously choose our reaction it can become proactive.

Proactive means we choose to be aware of what is happening around us so we can, often, diffuse situations. When being proactive we not only are aware of our reactions but we are aware of the actions of everyone around us. In this place, we can help create calm amid chaos, look at various angles of a situation, and make reasoned decisions without letting ours or other’s emotions and reactions influence us. Proactive means situations, which use to generate a habitual response, no longer generate any visible emotional response. As this happens, new scenarios will present themselves which will trigger old responses. This is a training process and takes time to learn. When I find myself realizing old triggers no longer affect me, I know I am on the path to more self-awareness.

I don’t know if anyone ever achieves complete self-awareness. I know I haven’t. There are areas where I’m very self-aware, some where I’m proactive, and some where I am still reactive. Luckily, I catch myself more quickly in the reactive situations so I can, often stop myself. Once stopped, I then figure out what is being triggered within me. The “triggered” part of myself still has healing work to do. Most of my issues center around feelings of abandonment. This is an issue for many people. Self-love can be difficult. It is absolutely necessary to achieve complete self-awareness. We are the only ones who can love us enough to heal us. Other’s love is nice but it will not fill the holes within.

The holes within happen to us as children. I believe we are born whole, complete.The external influences begin to tell us who we are, what we lack, how we fail to complete or fulfill someone else. Because of these external expectations, over which we have no control, we begin to feel deficient. The outside world confirms this new knowledge and tells if we’d only do better everything will be alright. We internalize this message. Some of us even begin to believe we are responsible for everything:  divorce, other’s happiness, death, attacks against ourselves or others. I find it amazing we function at all.

I was blessed to experience three days of complete self-awareness. Though I have not achieved it since, I know where I’m going and I understand what I must do to get there. It is a process  and I’m developing a love of the process. During those three days I was fearless. If someone was hurt, angry, or upset, all I could feel was an overwhelming love for them. I call it overwhelming because I’ve never felt anything so strongly and it took over my body. I felt like my body wasn’t big enough to hold my heart. I also noticed, when this feeling would come over me, the other person calmed and seemed to feel better even though I’d done and said nothing. When I spoke, the quality of my voice was noticeable, even to me. I could hear love with every word I spoke. I wondered if others would hear it and, from their comments, I soon found out they did. My husband, who was in another country, commented on my voice the first time we talked. He commented that I sounded so happy and calm and I could hear the emotion in his voice. I could tell he really wanted to be near me because of my complete self-awareness. I noticed my emotions were more calm. My happiness wasn’t as gleeful as before and sadness wasn’t heart wrenching. I noticed missing the highs and lows and being unsure which state is better.

After a couple of days, I notice the fears of others beginning to chip away at me and bring forth my old fears (triggers). I’m glad for the experience. I want to achieve that place again. In time, I believe I will. Until then, I will continue towards loving myself and filling the holes  within so I will be complete and can love completely.

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Hidden Emotions

I’ve spent a good portion of my life ignoring and stuffing my emotions. Now, if you had asked me if this was true even a year ago, I would have said, “No.” I thought I was aware of my emotions and dealt with them. So, when a person I knew said I was angry, I thought she was nuts. I wasn’t angry. I was happy and looking for the positive in my life. She kept insisting I was angry and I finally let her go from my life because, as far as I could tell, I was only angry about her insisting I was angry.

Years later, last year in fact, I finally realized she was correct. Why was I angry? It was years of stuffing my feelings and not having any boundaries. I would guess there are many people who do those two things. It becomes a habit and we get to the point where we don’t even realize we are doing it. I’ve gotten so good at it that I find myself smiling as I’m doing it.

Even though I’ve realized I have stuffed emotions and I’m learning to set boundaries in my life, my initial habit is to stuff my feelings any time they are ruffled. Thankfully, I’m realizing this and I am building a new habit of acknowledging how I feel and letting it out to the best of my ability. I’m not good with yelling/screaming to release my anger. I’m not talking about yelling at people who have triggered me but yelling in a safe space to release the feeling. I find my throat hurts when I yell or scream. So, I tend to use other measures like growling or stomping my feet. I can’t throw things because it ticks me off worse to have to pick up whatever I’ve thrown.

New habits take time. I’m learning and I’m growing. My recognition of what is happening within me is becoming quicker. I know the deeper message is to uncover what need I have which needs to be met; something I need to give to myself. I’m getting pretty good at being kind to myself and doing things I love to do. I still have guilt around taking care of me but I’m pushing forward and I’m feeling less guilty about treating myself well.

I’ve also become aware of the need to let go of my interpretation of what is happening around me. I, and so many people I know, spend a lot of time having conversations with people who aren’t present. We’re trying to figure out why they do what they do, what they meant by something they said/did, what all the possible scenarios are for everything that takes place around us. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to live with a peaceful mind. I want to let other people do whatever they need to do for themselves and I don’t want to give it a thought. I want to observe/hear what is happening and attach no meaning to it. I’m just beginning to build the habit of attaching no meaning to what I observe. I find it’s challenging because, once I made the decision, my mind quickly became active with bringing up all sorts of past experiences where it had been important for me to attach meaning to the situation. Yes, it was important to me at that time. It is no longer important to me. My mind is having a hard time wrapping itself around the concept of observing without attaching. I wonder, is there anyone out there who has been able to observe without attaching to the observation? How long did it take you to learn to do that?

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Love vs Fear

I have found all my fears are what cause negativity in my life. When I am able to walk fearlessly into life, I have no anger, frustration, or unhappiness of any kind. I find amusement in things which upset me when I am feeling fearful. So, I have come to the belief “Fear is the root of all negativity.”

I believe we are afraid of our inner power. Power lies in love. I know I’ve gone many years without truly loving myself. And, even as I learn to love more fully of myself, I find more fears which hold me back from my full potential. Very few of us were raised in Unconditional Love. I’m sure someone, somewhere has been but I’ve not met them.

So, when it comes to loving ourselves, most of us have no role models. We each do the best we can at any given point in time. Sometimes the love wins and sometimes the fear wins. The goal is to let the love become the winner in the majority of our lives.

As I’ve found more love and forgiveness for myself, I’ve found I react differently to other people. I’ve  also noticed other people react differently to me as well. I feel calmer, more loving, respectful, and I’m more willing to listen. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I use to feel, “Yeah, but I’d like someone to care about me first for a change.” While this feeling is valid, it occurred to me I can care about me! Besides, why would someone else care about me if I don’t. So, I began the process of looking inward, caring about my thoughts and feelings, and doing things which honored myself. This process is different for everyone. This process is unending. This process has helped me begin loving myself. As a direct result of loving myself more, I am less attached to other’s way of being in this world. If someone is upset, happy, crying, loving, I can be with them without getting embroiled in their emotions.

Fear brings stagnation and rigidity into our lives. It deteriorates our brains and our bodies. Love brings fluidity, freedom, and flexibility to us. Our brains grow and our bodies retain health. Have you ever noticed how some people appear much older than their actual age while others never seem to age? The difference is in their attitudes. Someone who appears younger than they are will be excited about life and learning. They enjoy being happy and look for the good in their lives. I worked in an Assisted Living/Retirement facility for a few years. It is where I first noticed how important attitude is in our health. Those who are more positive look for things they can do to imporve all of life’s situations. Those who are less positive simply said, “I can’t” when presented wtih possibilities.

Part of learning to love myself has been learning to let other people be responsible for their lives. I take responsibility for my life and that is my only responsibility.It has been challenging to let go of feeling responsible for the world, everyone in it, and everything eeryone does. I interpreted my environment as telling me I was responsible for everyone and everything even though I had no control of others. There were consequences to not being able to control another’s actions. I’m sure there are many who have had similar experiences.

Letting go of that responsibiliy brings forth fear. What will happen? Will I be punished? As a child, punishment comes with taking responsibililty as well as not assuming responsibility – there is no “win.” Learning to love ourselves, without judgment is the only antidote. Staying true to ourselves, accepting the consequences, and standing strong in our truth is the best we can ever hope to do.

Our power comes from love. Love towards ourselves makes us feel more loving towards others and in general.

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Tired But Not Sleepy

I have begun to take short walks. My achilles tendon no longer bothers me. It hasn’t for some time but it was too hot for me to walk so I didn’t. After I started traveling again, I wasn’t feeling motivated so it’s only recently I’ve taken to walking again. I stroll so don’t get any ideas of me power walking or even exercising. Of course, strolling is more than I’ve done in a long time so this is exercising for me. Besides, I’m more interested in simply moving than exercising to accomplish a mission/goal.
So, anyway, I’ve begun strolling a short distance in the mornings and I’m enjoying it. In the afternoons I will sometimes feel tired from the extra effort in my day. But I often don’t feel tired enough to sleep. When I feel this way, I’ve found I can meditate and feel rested. Sometimes I fall asleep and sometimes I don’t. I know many people say one must meditate in a sitting position. I don’t do well with rules so I tend to meditate in my recliner. Recently, I have decided to try meditating while sitting. Interestingly, I don’t notice any difference. Whether in the recliner or sitting, I meditate and then “come to” not knowing whether I’ve been asleep or wide awake. Since I’m sitting upright, I’m guessing I wasn’t sleeping. The only difference I notice between sitting vs reclining is after sitting my physical body feels fatigued from the effort of holding itself upright.

Today is a day of some soreness. I still get body pain for no apparent reason. I have begun to be kinder to myself and take some aspirin instead of suffering through the discomfort. I sleep better when I’m not uncomfortable. Part of me thinks it’s the extra activity of walking that is bringing on the discomfort. That would be understandable. I don’t know if it’s true or not because there have been days where I’ve walked and there was no discomfort later in the day. It could be sunny days vs overcast days. When the sun is out, I’m more likely to go outside and sit in a chair to enjoy. This means I will get up and go in/out of the RV to get water, go to the bathroom, change clothes to get more comfortable, remember something I left inside that I want outside, etc. In other words, on sunny days, I tend to be more active overall than on overcast days. I do think the discomfort is probably activity related. Again, maybe not. Maybe I should give up thinking about why the discomfort exists and simply accept its presence. That sounds like a good idea. 🙂 After all, the discomfort is not important. It’s what I do to take care of myself which is important.

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Abscence makes the heart grow fonder

It’s been many months since I’ve written. I’ve had lots I could have written about but I chose to stay silent. I’m back on the road and feeling compelled to write now, which I consider a good sign.

I expected to spend my Summer in Indiana and I expected to be able to be outside because my ability to tolerate heat had increased. I did not expect the temperatures to be in the 90’s. I spent the Summer inside trying to stay cool.

I did get some things done so I will not need to return to Indiana in the near future. I got the things fixed on my RV which were not working. I had an Invertor installed so I can use my outlets in my RV while boondocking. I also bought several AGM batteries and installed those. Jeff built me a battery box to contain them. This means I am free to travel and learn how I want to live. Do I like being out in the middle of nowhere? I suspect I will. Do I like being hooked up? I suspect I will want hookups if the weather is too hot or cold.

I got a late start leaving Indiana so I am not out West where I had hoped to be this Winter. I am South in Louisiana where I will be staying until February so I can stay warm. I have been studying wind patterns and how they affect temperatures and weather. The East end of lower LA and further East is temperate this time of year and doesn’t get dramatically bad storms or cold weather very often. Anything West of here until you get to Western Arizona, gets cold more often during the Winter than if one is East of that imaginary line. So, here I sit until February when the weather will change and I will head West again.

This year I will not be heading back to Indiana so I will be free to explore different destinations and altitudes to determine what works for me. I’m excited to enter this phase of my learning. I hope to be able to find weather which suits me so I will feel good enough to spend more time outdoors and, hopefully, begin to build endurance. I’ve spent so many years in a recliner, I wear out more quickly than I desire. I still have strength but endurance is less. Although, even as I write that, I know there are days where I can go as long as I want with no ill effects so it must be more about staying in a climate that is conducive to me being active. So, that is why I’m excited to learn about weather, temperature, and elevation and how I am affected by those things. Or, maybe my endurance isn’t related to anything which I can control and it just depends on how my body if feeling at any given time. I’ll find out.

Since I am heading West in February, I will be able to make it to Arizona and spend the Winter in Quartzsite. If you don’t know, Quartzsite is like the Mecca of places to be for RV’ers in the Winter. There is a very large, around a million RV’s, that gather there every year for the Rock and Gem show. I also believe they have a RV event but I’m not sure. There are tents everywhere and, from my understanding, whatever you desire can be found in Quartzsite during this event. While I’m not excited about the crowds, it will be one of those things I will want to experience once. Even as crowded as the town will be, there are many places where a person can get away from the crowds.

Right now, Fontainebleu State Park is the perfect place for me. It’s beautiful, on a large lake, and just outside of New Orleans. I’ve also set myself up so I don’t need wifi to do these blogs so I should be able to write more. We’ll see what happens on that front. 🙂

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Lessons in Patience


I’m in Sherling Lake Campground. I will be here 3 – 4 weeks. Spring is coming through the area and the weather is wonderful! Since I’m headed home, and going very slowly, it occurs to me I will be extending my experience of Spring for quite a while. I think that is a good thing.

After I got to Dauphin Island (DI), I began having intermittent right heel pain. My Achilles tendon was pulling on my heel but I couldn’t understand why. It would stretch out as I walked a little so I didn’t spend too much time thinking about it. Just before I left DI, I was starting to walk a bit over a mile. I enjoyed it and it was pretty easy. Every once in a while, I would experience heel pain but it would work itself out from moving around and from letting it rest overnight.

When I arrived at Sherling Lake Campground, I began walking more. This is a great place for walking though it has some ups and downs. I walked a short distance and didn’t push myself. I played with hills and found I improved in my endurance quickly. So, I decided to walk a good distance with some hills and valleys. I measured it with a distance checker on my phone and it was 1.25 miles; no more than my longest distance on DI and I felt good. Yea!

When evening came, I got up to go to bed and couldn’t walk. My heel hurt! I was shocked and couldn’t figure out what I’d done. I hobbled to bed. Thank goodness a RV has a lot of support built in for moving through it.

The next morning, my heel wasn’t any better. I was baffled. I sat trying to figure out what I could have possibly done for my heel to hurt this badly. Finally, it dawned on me that the walk, while not greater in distance than DI’s walks, was definitely more challenging because of the hills/valleys. I had finally determined my Achilles tendon had shortened in my years of favored walking due to a right knee injury years earlier. Now that I was walking more normally, my tendon was being stretched and stressed. So, I did what all the exercise people tell one to do and I stretched my tendon using a step and lowering my heels to create the stretch. On one of the lowers, I felt and heard a tear. Whoops! Okay, bad idea.

Now, I have been resting my heel for over a week. While I can now walk on it, it still hurts and is healing very slowly. Any walking is countered by my heel “talking” to me. This tells me if I’ve done too much. I’m being decent though patience is still not my strong suite. Sadly, I realize my time here will pass before my heel allows me to walk well. I simply hope it  heals by the time I am home (almost 2 months from now) so I don’t have to go to the doctor to find out why it isn’t healing.

The lesson? Listen to my body. I know this lesson. Obviously, I have not learned it well enough.

How good are you at listening to you body? Or do you prefer your body listen to you? No judgment here because I, obviously, need to have more patience with my body than I do.

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We Have All The Answers


When I say we have all the answers, I don’t mean we are know-it-alls. I mean the answers to our questions are all inside us. They come in our dreams, our insights, in our knowing. Most of us are taught to ignore them. We may even be ridiculed for listening to what we know because we don’t have conventional proof. None of that matters unless we allow it to matter. No one is entitled to know your thoughts; they are yours.

Learning to listen to one’s self is an unlearning of the training one has received. Learning to relax and find the joy in life sounds, to some, like being unproductive and lazy. However, many studies have shown “doing nothing” has great creative potential and is from where inspiration comes. My favorite thing is to do what others consider nothing. It brings me joy, love, and a freedom from all the thoughts that run through my head on a regular basis. I’ve noticed the more I do nothing, the more relaxed, non-judgmental, and happier I feel. Which is why my quest for this year has been to bring more laughter and play into my life.

Both laughter and play are very active ways of being in the world. I’ve noticed a more laid back attitude developing within myself from choosing to play rather than be busy or working. Play can be incorporated into the things we normally consider work by choosing to find the fun within the task rather than feel we are being forced to do something. If we look at every thing we do as a choice, which it is, we can begin to find the play built into the activity. For instance, I go bike riding. The question I am most often asked is how far I’ve gone. I don’t have an answer because I don’t keep track of my mileage and I don’t ride it as quickly as possible. I tend to ride as slowly as possible, look at the scenery, and get absorbed in the sounds happening around me as I travel through Nature. Riding my bike in this manner clears my head of thoughts and brings a smile to my face. When I return, I feel refreshed, energized, and ready to play around with some other part of my life.

I’ve also quit trying to help people. If people want my help, I am there for them. The kind of help to which I’m referring is the kind where I might try to show them a different way of looking at their lives. Yes, I do that through this blog but the blog is here for people to read or not read. No one is being forced to read what I have to say. I am taking the same approach to conversations. I try to only respond when I am specifically asked for my thoughts and I talk only as long as the person is listening. If I watch someone’s face and eyes, I can tell when they are interested/uninterested in what I’m saying. I’ve also given up caring whether people follow through on their words. Actions mean so much more to me these days. I disengage more frequently from interactions where someone’s words and actions are not in alignment.

Probably the biggest change I’ve made in my life, for the past year and continuing, is to take complete responsibility for my actions and reactions. This has been a particularly difficult task for me. It is getting much easier. Any time I notice myself having a reaction or resistance to something, I know there is a part of me which I have been ignoring. I know I must bring that part of myself into the foreground and bring love and acceptance to the feeling. It resolves very quickly when I do this though I admit some take longer than others. The ones which are taking a long time are judgments which some part of me is unwilling to release. I know I have one in particular that has followed me for years and, while I can let it go logically, I have been unable to completely release it emotionally. So, judgment is the only thing I’m focusing on releasing this year. I came to the conclusion all resistance and reactions are about judgment so that seems to be the area holding me up.

So, while it may look like I’m doing nothing, I will be playing, laughing, and releasing all judgements. I think that’s a pretty big to-do list.

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The Question of Darkness


I have a working theory which says, people who seem to be negative, controlling, or who seem to take pleasure in another’s unhappiness, are afraid of the Light. Let me be clear, they don’t dislike the Light nor do they lack a Light of their own; they are simply afraid of the Light. I believe the reason for this stems from childhood, when they had no control over their lives. Children often feel there is something wrong with them when things happen around them which they do not understand; they blame themselves, assume responsibility. I believe children can think their Light is causing the problems and begin to hide their light in order to keep peace and harmony; they might fade into the background or they might become strong and controlling and negative to show they are as dark as the world they see around them.

These children grow up to become adults who Love the Light but are afraid of it. They will become involved with a being of Light and then, after marriage/commitment, become mentally and emotionally abusive to the being of Light. Not because they don’t like the Light but because it scares them. They know, from experience, the Light is dangerous and the being of Light is endangering themselves so the person who is hiding their Light begins trying to protect the being of Light from themselves by getting them to hide their Light. After years of deprogramming, because it is the equivalent of deprogramming, the Light being begins to dim their Light. Any children born to this union will also be required to dim their Light if it shines too brightly and comes into the awareness of the protective parent. The parent does not see their behavior as abusive because they are doing their job as a parent; protecting their children at all costs.

I admire all the Lightworker’s in the world who take on the responsibility of bringing out the Light in the rest of us. Being paired with someone who is so afraid of the Light is a huge challenge and not one I think most Lightworker’s assume with intent. I think they fall into this role because they believe their Light is appreciated and then are confused when their Light is suddenly not okay. However, if survived, this is the tempering which makes the Lightworker strong and able to withstand anything the world throws their way. Imagine how well tuned a Lightworker is who can convince a scared child/adult to let their Light shine when they are terrified to do so. Imagine the Love required to overcome the resistance. It may seem insurmountable.

I think, with the understanding I’ve come to, it may be possible to withstand the onslaught of abuse until the Lightworker can show, through example, how safe living in the Light can be. As Lightworker’s, I think this is why we are here; to understand, to patiently be an example of Light, and to bend without breaking under the pressure to conform. Water is malleable and does not pressure objects around it to change but it does change the objects around it over time. Be the water, be the Light. We all need you.

Are there any thoughts you would add to this?

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Releasing the need for Approval


This past week has been full of learning for me. Early in the week, I needed some help, asked for it, received it, and was thrilled with the results. I learned something new and my challenge was solved. Later in the day, I overheard a conversation where my helper was complaining about my not allowing them to help me after asking for help. I was hurt and found myself crying because I felt so hurt. When the person was alone, I told them I’d overheard their comments and that I felt hurt; I did not try to cover my tears. They denied complaining about me and said they were so proud of me for being so independent.

While they were talking, I had a revelation. My heart was open and filled with love for them. Not because of what they were saying but because I saw the hurt within them. I saw they had been upset that I hadn’t handed the project over to them. While they were proud of me for being independent, their value was in their ability to feel useful and needed. They had not felt useful and needed even though I greatly valued what they had taught me. I realized my Ego was where I was feeling the hurt and their Ego had gotten bruised as well. It was very clear to me that hurt people, hurt people.

I returned to my RV and spent the rest of the week pondering this incident and wondering if there were some way to do better in the future yet continue to take care of myself. At the end of the week, I realized this incident was no different than when I use to be evaluated, as a teacher, by my students. There were always comments pro/con and I appreciated them but I use to find myself dwelling upon the comments about which I could do nothing like, “The room was too warm.” I realized this situation was like the room being too warm. It is one person’s desire for things to be different. I could accomodate by changing who I am and my behavior. However, I have done that for far too many years and I believe it’s why I’m in the health situation I’m currently trying to heal. So, I will not be changing myself in a way to accomodate this person or, probably, many others in the future. I empathize that my behavior and demeanor causes others pain because of how they view the world. However, I am on a journey to find myself and I will continue on that journey. The rewards have made it well worth letting other people deal with their feelings. The rewards are also worth being judged and being found lacking by others. I am beginning to like myself again. I have laughed more in this past week, even with all the comtemplation, than I have in the past year. I want to continue on my journey in my way. Maybe I will find other people who want to be allowed to travel on their journey; I’m hopeful.

My biggest realization lies in understanding I can live life from my Ego or I can live life from my Heart. I’ve always realized these two areas are very different. However, I hadn’t realized how differently the two see the world and my experience of this world. I will be proceeding by listening to my Ego and reassuring it that my Heart’s desires will also make my Ego happy. I love coming from a place of feeling overwhelmed with Love for others. My Love for others gives me a great feeling of empathy and kindness. I find this so much more enjoyable than any fear based emotion like anger.

The second thing which happended this week is, my husband pointed out I sound so much happier when I answer the phone. I didn’t pick up on the significance of that right away. After some thought, I remembered when I left home I was still feeling great irritation when the phone rang or pinged. The noise was a signal for my attention and I didn’t have any energy to give to others so I was reacting to the noise with great anger. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to people, it was simply my energy was that depleted. Now, I have some small reserves of energy so, when the phone rings or dings, I feel like interacting with whoever or whatever is on the other end. While this may seem like a nothing occurence, it is significant to me. It shows me how much my health has improved in the past 3 1/2 months.

Another area of improvement is bike riding. At first, I was trying to put in miles but I found it exhausting. Then I changed to playing. That is so much more fun! I started out with making circles, doing serpentines, and making figure 8’s. That was okay but soon got boring. Then I changed to seeing how slow I can go. That was much better. I became distraced by the scenery around me; I would get lost in looking around. So, my new bike riding has speeded up a little (I don’t even think about the pedaling) and I look around and enjoy the scenery. I admit this is easier to do on a trike than a two-wheeled bike. 🙂

Since adding play to my day, I have found I do not feel exhausted at the end of the day. Before I was going to bed around 7PM. Now, I am staying awake until 10PM sometimes. If I want to go to bed earlier, I do. I finally feel like I’m learning to live my life again. I’m quite enjoying it!

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Springy Steps


I’ve noticed, for some time, my lack of ability to jump, run, or bounce with ease. I’ve played with improving my ability sporadically but I haven’t dedicated any time to it because it wore me out too quickly. That made improving my lightness on my feet less of a priority. Now, however, I have the time and energy to put forth the effort to find the spring in my step and lighten the load – so to speak. Being grounded is important but I think we become too grounded when we are no longer able to move quickly and lightly. The lack of ability to move easily is caused by a few factors like shoes constricting the feet, lack of playing, landing on our heels when we run, lack of moving about on uneven and unsure terrain. There are some people who do not lose their lightness on their feet and those people tend to spend time outdoors and they often go barefoot.

Since I’m staying in locales which do not require shoes, other than sandals, I can allow my feet to be flexibile and available. Some of the things I plan to do to regain flexibility in my feet include walking on the balls of my feet while allowing the metatarsals to provide the ability to raise/lower my heel from/to the ground, jumping up/down in place, doing kangaroo hops, playing hopscotch (without the actual lined layout), hopping from one foot to the other, jogging, skipping, and walking with the intention of using my foot in an efficient manor to push me into the next step. In other words, I’m going to return to acting like a kid as I move about in this world. Yes, I’m relearning how to walk. I have been bedridden and worn shoes for far too long. Put those two things together and you have an aging person. I am reclaiming my younger years by reclaiming my feet and ankles.

What can you do to regain your feet and, possibly, make you feel like a kid again?

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