When one is a love based person, becoming and angry person is a long, insidious process. When love is the norm, it can take years before the recognition that one is angry even becomes obvious. Love based people tend to love the angry and try to be understanding. However, prolonged periods of exposure to anger will eventually cause most love based people to become infected. I call it an infection because, like an infection, I didn’t realize I was infected for years. I was also exposed during all this time I was oblivious to the anger. I knew something was off, I just didn’t know what. I still felt loving and kind most of the time. It was only rarely I felt anger and that’s normal. Right?
After many, many years, I decided I needed a break from the anger around me. By this time, I knew the anger was there, I just hadn’t realized I was infected. I has taken about 2 years away and I find myself constantly coming back to being angry. Why? I’m where I’m happiest. What is wrong?
Finally, today, it hit me. I am acting just like the angry people I’ve left behind. I can’t leave them behind because I’ve become angry too; a hateful, vindictive, vengeful kind of angry. I’ve never felt this way in my entire life. To be clear, I’m not saying one or two people infected me. This is probably a lifetime of anger exposure which has finally become invasive enough for me to feel it. I’m hoping that, if it took this long to have a noticeable effect, I can wipe it out fairly quickly. On the other hand, the roots may be deep and difficult to discover.
As in anything, recognition is the first step to resolve the issue. I will have to let you know how this turns out since I’m just beginning the process of removing the infection. I’m hopeful that recognition is the hardest part and that the recovery will happen quickly.