I got a huge push from the Universe to let go of my attachments. My attachments are mainly to animals and people rather than things. However, I have things I really like too. There was nothing special that happened that made me realize this push was happening, I just felt it. Before I’ve always rejected the push and pushed back. This time, I realized it was time and also a large part of my healthful recovery; there are many aspects to a healthy recovery. I told Jeff I was going to release attachments so he would be prepared for whatever began to happen. There is no preparing for releasing attachments though. It is simply not holding on when the animals and people, whom I hold dear, begin to leave.
First, was Jeff’s Mom. We were both grateful for her departure. Not because we didn’t like her but because she had recently had a mini-stroke which had landed her in a nursing home and she hated it! She was destined to live there and she begged, yelled, said it was our responsibility to get her out of there. She required care none of us could give her so there was no way Jeff and I could bring her home with us. I understood her dislike of the nursing home. I disliked seeing her there as much as she disliked being there. She declined rapidly and died so, in our opinions, it was a blessing.
Next, one of our cats, who was 15 years old, needed to be put down. He was in a lot of pain and there was nothing I could do to help him so I finally made the decision. I miss him and I love him and I hated making that decision.
Next, another one of our cats, who was 10 years old, suddenly wasn’t feeling well on Thanksgiving. He seemed better the next day but we took him to the vet to see what was happening. The vet informed us he was dying of kidney failure and probably wouldn’t live another 24 hours. So, we decided to take him out of his pain. That was really hard. I know none of my animals means more to me than another but this cat was like a shining light of what it means to be loving and kind.
We also lost another one of our ducks this year. A Least Weasel got hold of her and slit her throat. Least Weasels normally are only out at night but we manage to have Least Weasels who are out during the day as the ducks are shut up securely at night. I walk out to shut them in at dusk and find one with a slit throat. We are now down to 2 ducks. If we lose another one, I will take the final one to a friend who has ducks because ducks just need to be with other ducks.
When May gets here, I have decided to give my horse to my sister. My horse loves life at my sister’s house as my sister has several horses. My horse acts like I’m taking her to Horsey Camp and she never enjoys leaving so I know she will be happy there. I am unable to ride due to my nervous system going haywire when I get on her. I have put off letting my horse go. I won’t say I’m ready but I know it’s time so I’m finally taking the step.
That leaves us with 3 kitties: 2 are 11 years old and 1 is 10 years old. One of the 11 year old kitties is having challenges. So far the good days outweigh the bad so we are holding off on letting him go. I don’t know how long he has but I’m enjoying him while he’s around.
I appreciate the Universe waiting until I was ready to let go of my attachments. It doesn’t make it any easier to experience the losses but I know they are necessary for me to step into who I am meant to be. All of my animals have been here to teach Jeff and I different things. Their willingness to move on so quickly just solidifies that we are learning the lessons they were here to teach.
I still have stuff to go through and sell or give away. I suspect, when I’m done things will look a little bare. However, we will be living minimally and we both want to live with less. Letting go almost feels cathartic on occasion. I keep watching shows like “Tiny House” and “Tiny House Hunting.” At this point, I have a hard time seeing myself living large in the future. Of course, our house is tiny (1400 square feet) by a lot of people’s standards. I’m excited about the possibility of living small enough I only need a suitcase. It’s not a goal but I see it as a distinct possibility in the future.