I happened upon a blog site which, while I was reading it, gave me some insight into my energy levels. I have said, and I believe, my challenges are more Spiritual than anything else. To be more specific, I feel all dis-ease is Spiritual in nature. The blog site is Conquering Fear Spiritually. Be sure to read the 2 “click here” parts of the page.

So, Katie talks about the moment in her life when she gave away her power, her regrets around that moment, and how it has determined her life since. While I’ve always been aware of the pivotal moments in my life and known there is one specific moment I wish to get back, I never really thought about it as a defining moment which is keeping me stuck in my current situation. I guess I had never really claimed it. Yes, I’ve talked about it and mourned it but I have allowed it to continue to define my life without even knowing I was doing so.

When I broached this subject, with Jeff, even before I said what I thought the pivotal moment was, Jeff said it for me. I guess it was obvious to everyone but me. Oh well. Anyway, I have already started making the changes I’ve wanted to make all these years but have sabotaged myself into never even trying. Last night was the first time I’ve begun flexibility and strengthening moves since that moment so many years ago when I agreed to quit exercising. I now feel very motivated to start the courses for which I’ve signed up to improve my education towards starting my online business. And, I wanted to get online today to create new posts.

For several weeks, I’ve felt scattered and wanted to escape from my life. I have felt trapped. I was shocked when I realized I had given up ever getting to be who I wanted to be or do anything I wanted to do. I had received so many disappointments in life, lost so many animals with whom I was close, had my life directed so strongly that the loss of being able to simply exercise was the end. I gave up fighting, gave up trying to have anything I wanted. I’d been well taught that to care was to open myself to pain. I’m ready to release those times, as I remember them, in my past which were difficult for me. I’m ready to take over my future and go for my goals.

I can be hurt and upset about the past but I know that brings only more hurt and upset. It serves no purpose and limits my future possibilities. When I was growing up, people around me did the best they knew to do. Everyone had my best interests at heart. People around me still have my best interests at heart, they always do. I doubt anyone really tries to hurt those around them. People hurt others because they, themselves, are hurting and because it is all they know to do. It is rarely intentional.

Is it hard to let go of the past? Not really but it is more challenging for some than others. Why? To release the past requires we forgive ourselves for holding onto the pain & forgive others for failing to do better than they were able, We each hurt others without intending to do so. If we are lucky, those people will forgive us so they can move forward in their lives and release the pain we have caused them. Pain only hurts the person feeling the pain, never the person with whom we are angry.

I’m grateful for my history. I have no need to bring it into my future. I hope you, too, will see the futility of holding onto past experiences. Let them go! Forgive yourself for holding onto the past. Forgive everyone for not ever being able to give you what you desire. We can only give to ourselves what we need. Step into your future and claim your abilities. Take responsibility for yourself.


About tsandhage

I blog about my journey towards personal growth. I have been extremely ill and have been fortunate enough to find some recovery. I have taught College level computer classes, been a Massage Therapist, and a Feldenkrais Practitioner which is someone who works with the brain and nervous system to help people find more ability to function and live their lives well. Currently, I live in a RV and travel. I'm on a journey to find out more about myself. I also do photography, write, and have been married over 30 years to my marvelous husband, Jeff. I hope to post once per month. I will share about my life here. I hope you enjoy your time here. I also have a FB Group called "Therese Sandhage" where I put out daily quotes and do my best to encourage the best in all of us and a FB Page called "Gr8 Life" where I talk about what I'm doing in my RV life.
This entry was posted in Personal Journey. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s