For some time I have been feeling like withdrawing from the world. I have had the desire to remove all responsibility from my life and go where I can spend time doing whatever I want whenever I want and answer to no one. My only responsibilities would be to eat, sleep, and do whatever strikes my fancy at any given moment. No, I am not depressed. I say that because people seem to go there any time I express a desire to be anything other than completely sociable. I’m an Introvert who appears to be an Extrovert. Even I use to think I was an Extrovert except that I always knew I could live a hermit lifestyle and be perfectly happy. The lack of realization happened because I was so outer focused instead of inner focused; I didn’t really know anything about myself even though I lived with myself 24/7.
Now, I realize everything needs to be inner focused so I can understand myself as completely as possible. Not understanding myself is why I have been trying to figure out why I have wanted to disengage from all responsibilities. Regardless, I think I’ve realized what is happening. All of the recent changes I’ve been experiencing started late last Fall. Soon afterwards, I began feeling discontent and a need to get away from everything. Today, I realized I am in the middle of a transition. Yes, I am going through a lot of changes but I am also transitioning to feeling a need to surround myself with a new tribe. My new tribe is made up of people who are also questioning their beliefs and willing to walk through their reactions to come to a place of love. Slowly, I am building my new tribe and while some of my old tribe will be coming along with me it probably will not be the majority. I believe the feeling of needing to get away was my way of releasing the desire for my all of my old tribe to come along with me. As I said in an older post, I have to be willing to let people be where they are and allow them to join me at their own pace and in their own time.
Since I’ve realized what is happening, I am much lighter and feel more energized. There are many writings which talk about surrounding ourselves with people who will stretch us. I want to stretch, be challenged by new ideas, and be presented with ways of thinking which allow me to grow into a healthier, more powerful version of myself. When I use the word power, I am not talking about power over other people. I do not want to be over anyone. I am equal to everyone; no one is better or worse than myself. We are all equal, wonderful, filled with love, and powerful. My power is the power to be responsible for my life and everything which I draw to myself. I’m excited because I feel like I am stepping into a new arena of my life.