For the majority of my life, I have wanted to make a living with horses. I wanted a barn, indoor and outdoor riding arena, I would train horses, and I would teach people how to care for horses and how to ride. I might board other people’s horses, rescue horses, or rehabilitate horses. I wanted a lot of land and I wanted it to border a State Park or Forest so there would be plenty of room for trail riding. I could offer a place for people to stay, take them on trail rides, and teach them about horses as well. Since I’m also into self-sufficiency, I would also have some cattle, rabbits, ducks, and chickens. There would be a dog or two and cats. That dream has never come to fruition and it is doubtful it ever will. When I realized my dream was unlikely to happen, I felt a lot of anger and disappointment; I sometimes still do.
Interestingly, over the past year, my life has been rapidly changing and I’ve begun to have a new dream. The new dream does not contain any animals. In fact, it contains no responsibilities whatsoever. Part of me is bothered by this new dream because it seems so different from who I always thought myself to be. However, as I said, things are rapidly changing for me and I often find myself curious to see who I will be when my transformation is complete.
So far, I see a person who is much calmer than before, my memory of events isn’t what it use to be because I find myself not caring to remember, and I feel so nonplussed by events happening around me I wonder if something is wrong. I’ve never felt the way I do these days and the lowered anxiety sometimes makes me wonder if I’m depressed. There is also a part of me that doesn’t care to worry about where my life is going now. Most of the time, I’m feeling happy to be along for the ride and enjoy the process of discovering the me I’m becoming.