Focus & Awareness

This picture just stopped my mind. After a bit of looking at it, I realized I was having zero thoughts. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was seeing. My mind was completely peaceful. I picked the word peaceful because I imagine that is what I was feeling but, as I said, I was having no thoughts so I really don’t have a word for what my mind/body was feeling. If the stillness has never happened for you, it will be difficult to understand what I’m trying to express. If the stillness has happened to you, you will understand completely.

I love the stillness. I can maintain it while I’m working with people. I have a specific room which I use only for working with people and it is easy for me to step into my silent mind when I enter the room. It took a while to learn how to converse and then come back to the stillness but I have learned. When I am in my room, I am working from a place of focused awareness. I am aware of everything yet nothing at the same time. I’m there but nothing outside me can touch me.

I’ve always had the ability to step into the stillness at will. Many people talk about meditation as a difficult thing. I never understood until I realized others do not have the ability to step into the stillness at will. Everyone has stepped into the stillness but they’ve called it different things. It’s when you are doing something and you are so focued upon it that when you stop, you find yourself amazed at how much time has passed. I remember one day a whole day passed and I thought only 3 – 4 hours had passed. I had started at 8AM and when I looked up it was 9PM. Usually people can remember a time when this has happened to them. Yes, your mind is busy but, if you think back on it, you may not remember clearly what exactly transpired during the entire time. You were there but not completely present.

Another way this can come into play is when I want to wake up at a certain time or end a session at a certain time. I will wake up about 5 minutes before the designated time I’ve set in my brain or I will look at the clock about 15 minutes before the session is due to end. Waking up 5 minutes early allows me to get up without hearing an alarm clock. Looking at the clock 15 minutes before the session is done allows me to bring the session to a close in a calm manner that feels to the client like a smooth ending.

I wonder if focus and awareness are really 2 different things or 2 words for the same thing. I’m unsure. I know, when I am moving with awareness, my mind stills and I am only aware of what my body wants from me. I don’t think about it, I simply listen for the guidance and find my way towards what my mind and body desire. There is no plan just as there is no plan when I start working with a client. I can have an idea of what I’d like to do but, as soon as my hands touch the client, the communication which occurs between their body and mine becomes my guide as to what they need of me. Sometimes, my original plan is correct but, often, my original plan is left in the dust as I learn what the body before me needs of me. This focus is one of the things I most enjoy about my work. I love learning new things that each person’s body teaches me but I most love the peace and feeling of being connected to a Source of all Knowledge that is much greater than I.

Is there a way to live in this focused awareness at all times? I suspect it is possible. It feels possible. I just don’t know how to bring that focus into a distracting, demanding environment with all the distractions. Wow! I can feel my body start to tense even just writing that sentence. So, obviously, I must find a way to feel as if there are no distractions or demands regardless of what is happening around me. I must learn how to be unaffected by all that is happening around me. I must understand I can only do what I can do and the rest will take care of itself. Hmmm. That is a completely different way fo thinking for me. Part of me wonders if I can do it. I know I can if I am willing to let go of my ego which wants to be indispensible and important. Well, don’t that trigger some emotional issues? Yes, I’m willing to be unimportant and unnoticed though I suspect the opposite will happen. Okay, here goes!


About tsandhage

I blog about my journey towards personal growth. I have been extremely ill and have been fortunate enough to find some recovery. I have taught College level computer classes, been a Massage Therapist, and a Feldenkrais Practitioner which is someone who works with the brain and nervous system to help people find more ability to function and live their lives well. Currently, I live in a RV and travel. I'm on a journey to find out more about myself. I also do photography, write, and have been married over 30 years to my marvelous husband, Jeff. I hope to post once per month. I will share about my life here. I hope you enjoy your time here. I also have a FB Group called "Therese Sandhage" where I put out daily quotes and do my best to encourage the best in all of us and a FB Page called "Gr8 Life" where I talk about what I'm doing in my RV life.
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