It’s A Challenge

I know I am to see the luminous beauty of everyone’s soul so intently that I cannot see anything their ego does. I know what I see in another is simply a reflection of myself and a lack of love towards myself. I can know these things logically and find them very emotionally challenging to implement. Of course the emotionally challenge comes from a lack of love, in some respect, for myself. Each time I find something emotionally challenging, I am judging something and, therefore, I am judging something within myself. While I know this logically, I must say I find it emotionally sucky! I have so much work to do before my emotions are in line with my logic. I also know that logic doesn’t really matter and emotion is all that matters. So there, again, it leaves me with a sucky feeling.

I must immediately forgive myself for the sucky feelings and the lack of emotional love and lack of forgiveness for myself because there is no judgement other than what I extend towards myself. Re-reading that makes me laugh because it reminds me of a recursive loop. A recursive loop is a computer term which is a concept that loops back to its beginning and is never ending. A more understandable way of saying this might be to talk about the chicken/egg concept. Which came first? If the egg came first, where did it come from? If the chicken came first, where did it come from? This is the concept of a recursive loop. There is no real beginning and there is no real end, it simply circles back upon itself. So, my emotions are in a recursive loop until I figure out how to break the cycle.

I can see where, once I’ve let go of all the emotional baggage, I will have little or no need for stuff/clutter/possessions. In some ways, having no need for possessions feels scary and, on the other hand, I know it will be very freeing. The scary side of it confuses me. What do the possessions give me that makes me afraid to let go of them? I believe finding these answers are keys to letting go of my emotional baggage.

I, like others, have been upset by recent political events. I wasn’t afraid of what was going to happen. I was more upset by the actions of the people involved. I can logically understand the people involved have a luminous light that is their soul. I can also understand it was very buried under their ego actions. I have a problem understanding how people can be so insensitive to how we need to come together as a human race and help and support each other. I also understand, because those are the issues I have with the people involved, it must mean those are issues I have with myself. I’m really trying to find those times when I am not supportive of others. I see them and I am working on them and I am having some success.

I am trying to do this process with every emotion I have. If I feel it when I see someone else do something then I must see how it applies to my own way of being in the world. I think this process will, eventually, help me become the person I want to be and live the way I want to live. Interestingly, I also realize I don’t really know how I want to be or how I want to live. I am finding out those answers as I journey through this process.

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About tsandhage

I blog about my journey towards personal growth. I have been extremely ill and have been fortunate enough to find some recovery. I have taught College level computer classes, been a Massage Therapist, and a Feldenkrais Practitioner which is someone who works with the brain and nervous system to help people find more ability to function and live their lives well. Currently, I live in a RV and travel. I'm on a journey to find out more about myself. I also do photography, write, and have been married over 30 years to my marvelous husband, Jeff. I hope to post once per month. I will share about my life here. I hope you enjoy your time here. I also have a FB Group called "Therese Sandhage" where I put out daily quotes and do my best to encourage the best in all of us and a FB Page called "Gr8 Life" where I talk about what I'm doing in my RV life.
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