My overriding motto is “It’s all about me.” That is not to say it is about me personally. For each of us, it is all about “me.” Me being the person making the statement. People often ask if this statement is selfish. No, it is not selfish. If we do not love ourselves, take care of ourselves, do for ourselves, we cannot love, take care of, or do for anyone else from a place of complete love. Yes, we are capable of putting forth an effort on behalf of someone else but, if we take care of ourselves and love ourselves, the act of caring for another becomes automatic and takes on a completely different feel than in the past.
For myself, doing for others has always been part of my life. I had a range of emotions when doing for others which ranged from feeling unappreciated, like I couldn’t do enough, happy to be able to help someone, appreciated, like I wasted my time, etc. Late last year, I finally realized I needed to give to myself first. So, I spent a lot of time on this subject and I am getting to a place where I take a lot more responsibility for my needs and I do not look to others to fulfill those needs. Since this has become more of a habit in my life, I have noticed I no longer feel like caring about, or for, others is a chore or something I need to do to be a good person. I just naturally have a desire to do my best for others. If I lose the feeling of happiness and pleasure around helping others, I realize it is because I am not taking care of myself. For instance, recently, my husband had hernia surgery on his belly button. It is a very painful surgery so he needed a lot of my help. However, I had also injured myself the week before and found it difficult to get around. I was doing okay before his surgery but, afterwards, he needed so much time, I was harming myself in order to take care of him. I found myself getting irritated and upset. Once I realized my feelings, I was able to express to him where I was physically and how we needed to change things so I was able to care for myself as well as him. Once I started taking care of me again, I immediately felt happy and loving towards taking care of him.
So, while taking care of myself may seem selfish at first glance, I have found it is the only way to reach the unselfish part of me that can help and care for others with absolutely no expectations of any kind. Helping others becomes more like giving someone a hug. If I give a hug, I usually get a hug in return. Now, when I help others, from my most loving self, I feel like I’m giving myself a hug just from the act of helping. It’s a great feeling! Also, by giving myself all the things I need to feel good about me, I find that life flows more easily, I’m more generous, I feel loving towards the entire world, and I feel no stress because of things happening outside of or around me. When I lose these positives, I know there is something I am not doing for myself that needs to be done. By putting myself first, I have reached a part of myself that is filled with endless love and trust. I really like this place and I hope I can help others find that place within themselves.