This has been an interesting month for me. It started one rainy night when I slipped on a muddy slope and my patella partially subluxated. This has happened many times before but I’m usually up and walking fine within a few days. This time was the second most severe it has ever been. During the suspension of the fall and the fall itself, I was very aware of everything that was happening. I could feel all the muscles, ligaments, and tendons stretching and tearing. I landed flat on my back and pelvis with my knee bent. I straightened my leg, using my other leg, and lay there feeling what had happened in my body and noticing the differences from before the fall. I could tell this was another improvement from the last severe fall. At this time, I still had hope my recovery would be swift and uneventful.
For the first week, after the fall, I felt decent and was able to walk and move my knee relatively well. However, at the end of the first week, my husband undwent a hernia surgery and I was on my feet for 4 days straight taking care of him. At the end of that time, I could no longer bend my knee or go without pain pills. My knee had taken a turn for the worst and my recovery was going to take some time. Also, bruises began showing up from my knee to my ankle, showing the depth of the damage. My body had tightened clear up into my neck. My body was screaming at me to take care of it.
It has been 3 weeks and I still cannot sit in a chair for any length of time. I can finally walk without pain and sit in the front seat of the vehicle. Also, I am able to drive again. I can still feel the differences in my body and how this incident is a benefit for my long-term health even though recovery will take a while. I think my recovery would have been more swift if I hadn’t needed to care for my husband but, sometimes, life demands things of us. I did learn to start letting my husband know I needed him to respect my pain and limitations. He was wrapped up in his pain and I wasn’t telling him what I needed so he didn’t know what was happening with me.
During this time, I have also been dealing with Bronchitis and a sinus infection. While my perspective could be that this incident was awful, I have chosen to recognize the changes I am experiencing and understand the fall was necessary to undo the damage from the previous severe fall I experienced years ago. I also recognize I need to approach this recovery with curiousity so I can help facilitate the new way my body will use itself. Admittedly, I could not have had this perspective a few years back. This is all new to me.
While I still find myself frustrated by the fatigue I feel. I am also able to be less harsh on myself for needing time to recover. In the past, I would have railed at myself and told myself how I was not doing enough and to push through the pain or challenges. I would have spent a lot of time punishing myself for being ill and injured. Thankfully, I am able to see the blessings in both and remind myself that the fatigue will pass, the injury will pass, and I will be the better for both. I understand my recovery is dependent upon my ability to be kind to myself and honor myself. How can my clients be kind to themselves if I do not show them, by example? I constantly tell people to look for the good, the comfort, and to give their bodies what they need to do well.
It behooves us all to be kind to ourselves. This is the only body we have for this lifetime. It can only serve us if we tend to its needs. Love & respect for ourselves translates into love & respect for others.